I’ve seen a lot of movies and if there is one thing I have
learned it is that everything is dangerous. Now granted I learned that lesson
mostly from horror movies, but still, the lesson is important. Every possible
thing you could ever let get close to you is a potential instrument of your
death. And not a pleasant death either. The most brutal and horrific death you
could possibly imagine.
Part of me says blame Stephen King. Mr. King has made a
career out of taking innocent things and making them scary. That idea that your
quiet little suburban neighborhood is full of threats is a recurring theme in
the works of King. True, most people find clowns to be scary but after seeing
Pennywise in the TV adaptation of IT, I think more people developed a case of
coulrophobia than ever before. And I am sure every classic car owner has had a
brief flash of Christine (killer car movie) when looking at their beloved
automobile. Cujo, Cat’s Eye, and Pet Sematary (I just realized the film’s title
spells the word Cemetery wrong) pretty much destroyed the idea of the beloved
family pet for many.
The entire horror genre seems to be about taking things we
trust and let our guard down around and turn it into the stuff of nightmares. A
fun summer camp becomes the hunting ground for a serial killer (Sleepaway Camp
AND Friday The 13th film series). A beloved children’s toy is
actually a sadistic murderer (Child’s Play series). Forget the toy, the
children themselves are dangerous (Children of the Corn, Village of the Damned,
Orphan, The Omen, and a bunch of other movies). Even the act of getting a good
night’s sleep is a dangerous (Nightmare of Elm Street). Absolutely nowhere and
nothing is safe according to the movies. 
One could assume I am just being paranoid. That all these
threats are the result of mere fiction and things like this don’t happen in the
real world. Well to them I say “Just when you thought it was safe to go back in
the water…” That’s right, JAWS. Freddy might be fake but Jaws is real. A Great
White Shark can bite an adult male in half. And they do just swim and eat and
make little baby sharks. Plus those terrifying serial killers in films like
Leatherface were initially inspired by real serial killers like Ted Bundy and
Ed Gein.
Plus just because an item isn’t possessed by an evil spirit
doesn’t mean they’re not dangerous. Nearly 18,000 people die every year from
accidents that happen around the home involving items they never worried about,
right up until they killed them. Faulty wiring, poisons, slippery floors,
accidents waiting to happen. No need for an evil doll or a demonic car or even
a rabid family pet, you’re lucky to get out of anyplace alive.
To be honest though, the real thing people need to be afraid
of us is other people. As scary as monsters and ghoulies are, the true thing
that racks up the most kills in any movie are just ordinary people. The kindly
old lady, the trusty handy man, the
random hook up, all these people have turned into violent killers in the realm
of films. And it’s not just the strangers people might encounter in the outside
world. Many a family member has been portrayed in films turning bad and killing
people. Norman Bates killed his mom before the movie Psycho even begins (if
that’s a spoiler you really need to watch more movies). Carrie’s mom would lock
her in a closet and tried to stab her. Jack tried to hunt down and kill his
wife and child in The Shining. Joshua and We Need To Talk About Kevin both
depicted horrible cases of sibling rivalry, with older siblings plotting the
death of their new baby sibling.
After listing all these various forms of movie death, I can
understand why there are so many conspiracy theorists out there. If you let
your mind dwell on it, there really are a lot of things out there to be
paranoid about. But if I really worried that much about death I’d never leave
my house. I’d probably never even leave my bed, which means I wouldn’t have
seen all the movies that have me scared. So since the price of fear is not
seeing cool movies, I shall endeavor to not let the many things out there scare
me.
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