Batman’s Wasted Resources

During a recent episode of my web series (Crossover Appeal,check it out!) the subject fell on the idea of Batman and how he has wasted so much of his life. Now while I have discussed how horribly Bruce Wayne has managed to spend his fortune many times in the past (see here, here, here and here), during this one discussion I realized (thanks to Elizabeth and Debbi) there is a whole different form of waste going on in Gotham City. Bruce Wayne is completely overlooking the resource that is Batman’s Villains.

If you’ve ever read a Batman comic you know that the majority of Batman’s rogues gallery are, to put it nicely, batshit insane. Coocoo for cocoa puffs. But as is a popular adage, there is a thin line between genius and insanity. Which is very true in the case of the inmates at Arkham Asylum. Batman’s villains are, for the most part, geniuses. Most have a PHD in some field or other, and at the very least have proven their cleverness while fighting the Dark Knight. Just imagine the many social, economical and global problems that could be solved if all these brilliant minds were pointed in the right direction.

Now you might be saying “But these are criminals! Why would they want to help anyone?” And my answer to that is yes, they are criminals. BUT ONLY as a side effect of their mental illness. The Riddler only commits crimes to prove his brilliance. Mr. Freeze steals so he can fund his cryogenics experiments. Same with the Scarecrow, who is obsessed with the concept of human fear. The list goes on and on of people who are only criminals because they have a particular quirk or obsession that has not been focused in the right direction.

Enter Bruce Wayne, who rather than funding a one man war on crime could instead devote all his money towards rehabilitating and focusing the many insane individuals who call Gotham home. Wayne Enterprises has invested interests in a wide variety of industries all of which could benefit from the input of a genius. The pyromaniac Firefly has a flamethrower that can burn down an entire city block. He could easily develop a more fuel efficient automobile engine helping America limit its dependence on foreign oil.

The Riddler is determined to prove he is the smartest person alive. What better test for him than to give him the challenge of untwisting the bureaucratic nightmares of most government agencies. He could probably find a solution to the tax code in an afternoon. Team him up with The Clock King and forget about just the trains running on time. The entire government would become a Swiss watch. Though maybe we won’t ask them to tackle the overcrowded prison system. Just to be safe.

World hunger is certainly a pressing issue. There are many parts of the world where plant life just can’t be sustained and unfortunately many people live in those places. But what if you had a botany expert who could engineer plants capable of surviving in any environment. Enter Poison Ivy. Dr. Pamela Isley has created plants that can control men’s minds, engulf whole buildings, and even gain the power of intelligent speech. Certainly if she can engineer vegetation capable of taking out super heroes she can make something that could survive, even thrive, in a harsh climate such as a desert or frozen tundra. And once a crop is harvested we can use technologies developed by Dr. Victor Fries (aka Mr. Freeze) to find a way to preserve the foods indefinitely.

There are a host of mental and physical problems people suffer from in society and there are many Batman villains who could probably help them. The Scarecrow, with his knowledge of fear inducing chemicals, could probably eliminate panic attacks and cure people of PTSD. The Mad Hatter can control a person’s mind with his hats, but he could probably also use that same technology to help a disabled person control a prosthetic limb and walk again. Dr. Kirk Langstrom who became the monstrous Man-Bat was originally searching for a cure for deafness so perhaps his studies could continue.

And all of these criminals could be encouraged to do it. Many want to, they merely lack the resources. Their research was considered risky or dangerous and many companies simply refused to pay for it anymore. Now considering Bruce Wayne goes out every night dressed as a bat, I think he might be willing to take a risk. But that would mean he would have to buy one less batmobile and not be able to get a brand new bat satellite or bat espresso maker.

In truth, Gotham is the way it is because Bruce Wayne is greedy. There are so many people he could help with his money and resources but instead he devotes it all to his own selfish needs. True, Batman does save people from time to time but it is a secondary result to his true reason for being Batman. Vengeance. Bruce Wayne wants to be Batman so he can hurt the people that hurt him. But he can’t do that (many stories have been written of the killer the Waynes being either unknown or already dead) so he beats up on substitutes, briefly eliminating the pain of his parents’ deaths with every punch. In truth, Batman wants Gotham to be a crime filled cesspool. He needs it to be a haven for criminal activity. Because if there is no crime in Gotham then there is no need for a Batman. And without a Batman you are left with a sad lonely boy with too much time and money on his hands.