The Inconveniences of a Secret Identity

The secret identity is almost synonymous with being a super hero. Protecting the world brings a lot of unwanted attention to the hero in question. That is why heroes adopt the dual identities. The heroic persona is a shield to separate the private life from the hero life and thus protect not just the hero, but the hero’s friends, families and colleagues. But I have to imagine maintaining this double life has to be a huge pain in the ass.

The biggest thing that separates the hero from his civilian identity is the uniform he wears (more commonly referred to as the “costume”). Now some heroes only go out in their persona at certain scheduled times. Batman pretty much works only at night and once he puts that costume on he’s Batman until he decides its time to quit. But other heroes tend to be more opportunistic about their heroic duties. Superman Spider-Man tend to jump into hero mode whenever the need arises.

And this is where problem of having a costume arises. A hero needs to have their costume on them at all times just in case. Now as I write this I am looking at a widget on my Google page that says the high temperature today in New York was 95. Now that type of heat may not bother Superman but Spider-Man is only slightly stronger than your average human. Which means he succumbs to the typical human weaknesses, such as heat exhaustion. Spider-Man has to wear a tight spandex costume PLUS civilian clothes on top of that. If you want to imagine that, try wearing long underwear the next time the thermostat goes above eighty and then wear clothes to hide the fact you’re wearing long underwear.  Even if his costume is the most lightweight material possible, it’s still an extra layer of clothes. And then the reverse is true in the winter. He can’t just add more layers the colder it gets outside.

Now as much of a problem the costume is it causes a brand new problem once the hero dons them. What does the hero do with their civilian clothes? In the case of Spider-Man he bundles them in a web bag and either sticks them to a wall or slings it over his shoulder. The Flash keeps his costume compressed in a ring so it is conceivable he could shove his normal clothes in side the ring as well (though his costume is made of a special material so unless his entire wardrobe is made of the same material, I doubt it). For every other hero it seems like they just discard their clothes and must wait until they get home to change back into civilian clothes. That seems like a waste of money, which most heroes don’t seem to have an abundance of, Bruce Wayne and Tony Stark being the exceptions.

"Extra clothes? On a Teacher's salary?"

Now as far as I know, being a hero does not pay well. Sure there are the Fantastic Four who seem to earn off of being adventurers but that’s mostly because of Reed Richards’s amazing scientific mind. The rest of the hero community needs to hold down a nine to five job to pay the bills. Now I’ve had several nine to five jobs in my life and the one thing that is the same for each is that they really don’t like it if you take a lot of breaks. Now I’m sure if I could say I was taking a break so I could save a woman from a fire they might be cool with it. BUT a hero can’t say that. Why? Because the hero’s identity is meant to be secret. So instead of seeing a noble hero who is saving the day, the boss just sees a guy who is constantly ditching work for something else.

And if a boss feels bad about constantly being ditched just imagine how friends, family and significant others feel. Most heroes have revealed their true identity to their family but there are a few exceptions to this who remain clueless for their own protection. Friends however are always kept in the dark. Significant others usually don’t learn about the secret until marriage and even then sometimes the secret stays secret. And secrets always put a huge strain on any relationship.

Plus there is the obvious question of ego. Super heroes are meant to be altruistic but they are still human (or human-ish) and humans like to have their egos stroked every now and then. But if you have a secret identity, the credit for your amazing deeds is always going to your alter ego instead of to you. How many times have they portrayed in the comics scenes of Lois Lane telling Clark Kent how great Superman is and then referring to Clark as some small town rube?

Granted that this is much of the appeal of the character but there has to be a point where it gets on Clark’s nerves. Especially when Lois reveals she is in love with Superman and Clark is likewise in love with her. There brings up another problem with the secret identity. People are constantly falling in love with super heroes. One issue of Brian Michael Bendis’s Powers did a great job of exploring the idea of super hero groupies. But if you are maintaining a secret identity such indiscretions just further complicate things. And the desire to reveal your identity must be strong. <SPOILER ALERT> In the recent Amazing Spider-Man film, Andrew Garfield’s Peter Parker reveals he is Spider-Man to Emma Stone’s Gwen Stacy essentially just so he can kiss her. His entire identity is blown because he can’t control his teen hormones. <END SPOILER>

The secret identity is a mainstay of the super hero genre. It has many benefits to the hero who chooses to don one. It protects the hero’s friends and loved ones and allows the hero a chance to engage in normal social activities. To essentially have a normal life free from crime fighting and saving the world. But are the pressures and lengths one has to go to maintain these two separate lives really worth it? Probably not. But then again, I don’t have a secret identity so I don’t really know. Or do I?