The Best Robin

When I am not writing, and usually when I should be writing, I am can often be found fooling around on Twitter. For something that can only be 140 characters you sure can waste a lot of time on it. One such wasteful time period I saw someone I follow arguing which Robin would win in a fight between all the Robins. Which leads one to wonder, which is the best of all the Robins?

Now just to be clear I am only going to be judging among the main 4 Robins. No Stephanie Browns (who has been retconned away as a Robin) and no Carrie Kellys (who was only a Robin in The Dark Knight Returns). Also no Joseph Gordon Levitts (who is only a Robin due to a joke at the end of Dark Knight Rises). None of these characters had a long enough career as a Robin to really be considered. I am judging the 4 sons of the Bat. Dick Grayson, Jason Todd, Tim Drake, and Damian Wayne.

The interesting thing about comparing all the Robins is that you’re really comparing different aspects of Batman. As I pointed out in a previous entry (see here) the different choices for Robin are all in someway younger versions of Bruce Wayne. While the physical resemblance is obvious, it is an emotional resemblance that the Robins share as well. Dick is Batman’s athletic and gymnastic prowess. Jason is his weapon and fighting skills. Tim is Batman’s technological genius. And Damian is Batman’s ruthlessness. They are all a piece of Batman.

Dick Grayson was the first Robin. He gets a special place in Batman lore solely for being the first. In many ways, that first Robin became the prototype for all super hero sidekicks, not just the Robins. So beloved was Dick Grayson as Robin that he was allowed to grow and mature and become a hero of his own, Nightwing. Also he was the leader of his own group of heroes, the Teen Titans. He even took on the mantle of Batman on several occasions when Bruce was unable to. In many ways, he is the heir to the Bat.

Jason Todd as the second Robin was a much sadder story. Already abandoned as a street kid, Batman took him in when he tried to steel the tires off the Batmobile. Sadly Jason Todd became a fan least favorite, DC Comics set up a hotline to determine if the character would die in a particular story (which overwhelming the vote was that he should). For many years Jason Todd was in that category of “Cannot Resurrect,” a category reserved just for Bruce Wayne’s parents and Peter Parker’s Uncle Ben. It was only after a brief tease in the Batman Storyline HUSH and the also amazing Under the Hood that Jason Todd was brought back as The Red Hood.

Tim Drake is Bruce Wayne’s brilliance. His origin was discovering Batman’s real identity through deduction and reasoning. More than just a sidekick, Tim has acted as a technical genius, helping Batman with computer problems and gadgets. As a Robin he was the most competent to be a hero as just Robin. Not having to be part of a team or a watered down Batman like Dick. And not getting himself recklessly killed like Jason. Tim made Robin a hero in his own right.

Damian is in many ways the opposite of a Robin. The character of Robin has always been described as a grounding agent for Batman. Someone to keep him from going too far over the edge. But Damian, having been raised by the League of Shadows, is if anything far more over the edge than Batman is. Damian had to learn how not to kill. In many ways, Damian is the embodiment of a remind of the restraint that Batman has to employ when dealing with his enemies.

In the end, the best Robin is really all of them. They are all funhouse mirror reflections of Batman. While Robin, in all his incarnations, has proven to be a hero in his own right, it will always be the relationship to Batman that will define the character. Without Batman we inevitably see the character of Robin morph into someone else. Dick Grayson without Batman became Nightwing. Jason Todd became the Red Hood. Tim Drake became Red Robin. Damian will one day become Batman. It is only when these Robins are teamed up with Batman that they remain the character of Robin.

The R-Rated Super Hero

As someone who has long been a champion of “Comics Are Not Just For Kids” it warms my heart to see a film like Deadpool, an R-Rated super hero if there ever was one, being so successful. Both critically and financially. With such a deluge of super hero movies coming at us every year (about six on average at this point) it was inevitable that more would eventually be aimed at adults than at children. But what are the benefits or detriments of having R-Rated super heroes? Are they going to be the next evolution of the genre or are they going to be the final nail in the coffin?

History would not show a theme of increased super hero R-rated flicks being likely. While a few of these types of films have come out, they have mostly failed at the box office. Or at the very least been lukewarm received by their intended audiences. The most notable of which being the film adaptation of Watchmen, a comic book that many had declared unfilmable prior to the age of Super Hero films. Of course this was before Spider-Man broke box office records and The Avengers became one of the highest grossing film franchises of all time. Then the idea of “unfilmable” no longer applied to any property with super heroes in it.

But ironically we only have the super hero genre because of an R-Rated super hero film. While many people give the credit to Spider-Man and the X-Men for starting the super hero film obsession, it was 1998’s Blade that really started the super hero movie trend. This obscure character who existed in the Marvel Universe as a vampire hunter may not bare much resemblance to Captain America or Iron Man, but he has fought alongside both those characters in the four color pages. And while it often gets classified as Horror, make no mistake, Blade is completely a super hero. Take away the blood and gore and the movie Blade follows the Super Hero blue print to a letter. Super powered individual seeking vengeance with a wise mentor who sacrifices himself so that the individual can finally beat the threat to the city/country/world.

While the popularity of super heroes is a cheerful thought for me (I hate to say this, but I liked comic books before it was cool) there is a major problem with R-Rated super heroes. Kids. One of the big reasons why the super hero genre is such a money maker is the popularity it has with kids. Be on the look out the next time you’re in a toy store or around Halloween, and just count all the super hero merchandise. Most kids aren’t even aware these characters existed in a medium prior to the films. Like the old saying goes “It’s Show BUSINESS.” What gets money is what gets made.

So why even bother with R-Rated super heroes. Surely Hollywood can make due with making family friendly super heroes. But the truth is not all super heroes are family friendly. The key to a good adaptation is being true to the core of the character and some characters (like our good ole friend Deadpool) just can’t be done for the kiddies. Characters like The Punisher, Spawn, Judge Dredd, these characters have buckets of blood and foul language dripping on every page and their three dimensional counterparts cannot be playing patty cake on the big screen. For it to truly be a faithful adaptation, there needs to be just as much if not more offensive material on the screen as there is in the pages of comic book fans, eighteen and older.

And make no mistake, those older and mature comic book fans are there. While the kids are flocking to the theatres, it has been the older comic book fans who have been keeping the medium afloat. Without that initial fanbase there would be no Iron Man, Hellboy, or any of the other comic book films that have driven this genre to its current popularity. The comic book companies long ago realized that they were dealing with a more mature audience and transitioned their storylines accordingly. Vertigo, an imprint of DC comics, was set up as an entire printing line of comics with less super heroes and more dark adult content. Marvel followed suit years later with a line called MAX, featuring primarily The Punisher. Because of the success of this version of the character, people will always associate The Punisher with a darker and more violent tone than his contemporaries.

These darker associations can sometimes be hard for some people not familiar with comic books to understand. For a comic book fan like myself, I associate a character like Batman with Frank Miller’s The Dark Knight Returns. For someone not a comic book reader, they associate Batman with Michael Keaton or even Adam West, a slightly more tongue in cheek interpretation of the character. The Dark Knight Returns Batman showed a caped crusader not cracking jokes but breaking bones. So influential was the Dark Knight Returns that the upcoming Batman V. Superman film is borrowing heavily from it for its legendary smackdown between DC’s biggest icons. So dark is The Dark Knight Returns that there is consideration of releasing a rated R version of Batman V. Superman when it comes out on Blu-Ray.

End of the day, movie ratings shouldn’t really matter. A story that deserves to be told should be told no matter what elements it contains. And when you start worrying about whether the final product will be R or PG 13 (or substitute the film ratings relative to your country of origin) then you miss out on an important part of storytelling. Characters have a life of their own and if your character is a foul mouthed, hyper sexualized, ultraviolent madman then you need to write that story and not bow to the pressures of a ratings board.

Why The Big Bang Theory is actually a Prequel to The Walking Dead

"One of us, one of us..."

Yeah, you probably wouldn’t think those two shows had anything in common. One is a comedy about a group of nerdy scientists and their socially awkward attempts to fit into the world around them. The other is a harrowing drama about people trying to survive in a world decimated by zombies. But if you watch both series there are quite a few clues that show how those not so innocent scientists led to the rise of the Walkers.

1.)           Steve Yeun

"I would rather live in the South
than deal with that nut anymore."

One of the main characters in The Walking Dead is Glenn, played by actor Steve Yeun. Coincidently, before Steve got cast in this plum role, he had a small role on an episode of The Big Bang Theory. In a flashback episode, Steve plays Sheldon’s former roommate before Leonard moved in. Now how does this in any way connect to The Walking Dead? Actors play different roles all the time. But what if this isn’t a different character? Glenn is surprisingly skilled at survival in the world of The Walking Dead. He’s quick witted and good under pressure. Almost as if he has survived a traumatic experience prior to the zombie apocalypse. A traumatic experience like having to live with Sheldon Cooper. Despite his many annoying habits, Sheldon does like to be prepared. FOR EVERYTHING. He has drills and contingencies for so much. Also it is conceivable that after putting up with all that, Glenn would want to get as far away from that as possible and he would move from Pasadena, California all the way to Atlanta, Georgia.

2.)           Science

"Back off man, I'm a scientist."

At the heart of The Big Bang Theory are scientists. These characters are geniuses in their chosen field. And this is important because most likely the virus that causes the zombies was created by a group of genius scientists. People who both know how viruses work and how they could possibly affect the brain. Specifically a microbiologist (which is Bernadette’s specialty) and a neurobiologist (which is Amy’s specialty). Now you might think that creating such a thing as a zombie virus would be too unthinkable a thing for people as sweet and kind as Bernadette and Amy to do, you would be wrong. Bernadette has mentioned several times on the show that she has done some pretty messed up things in the lab (combining Ebola with the common cold just as an example). And Amy has “joked” many times that she would like to dissect her friends simply out of pure curiosity. These two evil geniuses could easily get together one afternoon and play around with some new viruses in the lab.

3.)           Fear The Walking Dead

If the zombies don't get you,
The Hipsters will.

Now while I am theorizing that The Big Bang Theory could be a prequel to The Walking Dead, AMC already did release a series that is a prequel. And guess what? It takes place in California. Just like The Big Bang Theory. Fear The Walking Dead deals with the beginning days of the zombie outbreak. When we tune in to The Walking Dead it is Rick Grimes waking up after being in a coma for months and the zombie apocalypse is well underway. Fear The Walking Dead deals with a world where zombies are just starting to appear. It is a rare occurrence. And since most of the news reports and encounters with zombies seem to be in Cali, specifically Los Angeles, we can assume the outbreak started there. Or perhaps it started in nearby Pasadena, where the characters from The Big Bang Theory live. Being a current California resident (residing in Burbank myself) I can tell you that it is not hard to get from Pasadena to LA. But LA is a large metropolis so probably there would be greater panic over zombies showing up there than in the quaint little Pasadena so LA becomes the perceived ground zero, when in fact it should really be 2311 North Los Robles Avenue (the primary residence of Leonard and Sheldon).

4.)           Penny and/or Wolowitz

Okay, it is easy to imagine Amy and Bernadette cooking up the zombie virus, but how would such a virus get around the world. On The Walking Dead it is revealed that everyone is infected. Every single person has the virus in them and it just takes their death for it to activate and resurrect them. So how did the rest of the world, or at least the US, become infected. Well there are two possibilities. The first involves the loveable yet not as bright as the rest Penny. While originally on the show Penny was an aspiring actress, this past season has seen her become a drug sales rep. This particular career requires her to travel a lot. She would make the perfect carrier for a disease that is intended to infect a large population. Every airport, train station and taxi cab she gets in or out of infects another huge group of people who in turn infect others and who in turn infect others more. Not to mention all the various doctors she will infect who will pass the disease on to their patients.

The second possibility is Bernadette’s husband Howard Wolowitz. A brilliant engineer and astronaut, he could design some sort of device that could distribute the virus in a low earth orbit. Possibly both methods are used seeing the length to which the virus has spread in the world of The Walking Dead.

5.)           Sheldon

There is one problem with the idea that Amy, Bernadette and Wolowitz would team up to release a zombie virus upon the world. All of them are too nice. They could never do something so heinous as infect the world, even if they were experimenting out of scientific curiosity. But someone in their group of friends would. Sheldon Cooper has been described more than once throughout the series as a super villain in the making. And he is not above messing the lives of others if it suits his needs. In simple, Sheldon would absolutely release a zombie virus on the world. He might even do it simply because he was playing the Resident Evil video games and wanted to see if he could transfer the skills from the game to a real life scenario.

"Can I eat my own brains?"

So there it is. It is completely conceivable that at the end of The Big Bang Theory we will see Sheldon Cooper unleashing the zombie apocalypse. Or quite conceivably Daryl and Rick could run into a horde of walkers that consists of four nerds and a pretty blonde. Perhaps Michonne will decapitate a still lecherous dead Wolowitz. Either way, it is worth watching both series to see how they unfold and reveal more ties to each other. Bazinga!

Sex With Aliens Is Always Awkward

If you have ever read any science fiction stories or watched any movies or TV shows in the genre, you’ve come across Aliens. It’s one of the major pillars in the genre. Writers love trying to figure out what life will be like on other planets. And for the most part, it’s pretty dull. Something like 90% of all aliens portrayed in films and TV tend to be some form of humanoid. Most look exactly like humans. And even more than looking like humans, they all seem to have a similar anatomy to humans. Judging by the number of species that Kirk managed to bed down with, the Vagina is universal. But if you really look at examples of aliens presented by fiction, sex with aliens seems like it would be a horrible and terrible experience.

Reproduction

Now we use the term “sex” but when it comes down to it, this is all supposed to be about reproduction. Making babies. And in order for there to be sex between two species, sex must be a part of reproduction. And there is no guarantee of that. Look at the Xenomorphs from the Alien series. They reproduce through a parasite attaching itself to a host and infecting them with an alien embryo that will mature inside the host. Nothing “sex”-like about that. You can be male, female, neuter, merely a biological organism. That’s just one alternative to sexual reproduction. But chances are more alien species would develop an alternative to male/female sexual reproduction. So before you even have time to find the intergalactic equivalent of Spanish Fly, you’re being used as an incubator for a parasite.

Age of Consent

A year is 365 days (also 525,600 minutes for you theatre fans). But that’s just on Earth. On Mars a year is 687 days. The point is that different planets have different measurements of time. So if you told a Martian (for the sake of this argument we’ll say there is life on Mars) that you were 18, in reality you are telling him you are 9 and a half. Also while it is considered pretty universal in human society that 18 is a mature adult, not everyone has matured when they reach that age. Some people age slower or mature sooner. And aliens might have even more rapid or protracted lifespans. On the TV show Star Trek: Voyager there was an alien race called the Ocampa that only lived 9 years (9 years their home planet, 9 years Earth time, they never quite explained). The point is she aged rapidly. And yet despite being only 2 or 3 years of age on the show, engaged in sexual relationships with several crewmembers. Regardless of her actual age, she was considered mature enough to engage in relationships. Apparently the unofficial motto of Starfleet is “If there’s grass on the field, play ball.”

Genitals

You can’t talk about sex without talking about genitals. They’re an important part of the process. And assuming that species all reproduce the same, even if there are male and female members of a species, there is no guarantee that they will have complimentary or corresponding genitalia to yours. On the popular TV series Babylon 5 (no matter what Sheldon Cooper says) it is revealed that the Centauri, an alien species, have six. Six what, they never say. But when Centauri have sex they use six, increasing the amount used to increase the sexual intensity. Now as a red blooded American male, I have one. I know what that one is for and have no idea how that one is supposed to correspond with five other things. Also returning to the Ocampa, who  give birth out of their backs between the shoulder blades. Which leads one to believe that they have vaginas on their backs? Staying in the Star Trek universe, in The Undiscovered Country, Kirk kicks an alien in the kneecaps and is told that he in fact hit the alien in his possible alien balls. This presents a whole new problem trying to find the G spot if you also have to find the Q, X, Z, and # spots as well.

STDs

"Again?"

Women love a man in uniform. Even if that uniform looks like pajamas with pieces of jewelry attached. Throughout the Star Trek series, each show had a member of the crew who was always drowning in ladies. Kirk was it on the original enterprise. Riker took over on Next Gen. Doctor Bashir and Worf both seemed to do pretty well with the ladies on Deep Space Nine (though I might give special mention to Odo). And of course Tom Paris and Harry Kim were serial daters on Voyager. So with all this sex one has to wonder, did any of these people get an STD? The future of Star Trek is filled with an amazing amount of medical science, but people still get sick. And despite the fact that illnesses aren’t supposed to cross the species barrier with the ease they seem to do in the future, sickness is rampant in the future. But we never see a scene where someone walks into sickbay, talks to the doctor or activates an EMH (which is what I’d do because you could erase its memory) and say “It hurts when I pee.” There was an episode of Voyager that had a Macro-Virus (a virus that grows to enormous size) on it. I dread to think what that would be like as a venereal disease.

Mating Habits and Reproductive Cycles

Okay, forget everything above. Let’s say you are disease free, have corresponding genitalia to your mate, and have found someone of the same sexual persuasion as you. You still have to approach this potential interstellar friend with benefits. Which is not as easy as one might think. Vulcans mate once every seven years of their natural lives. They literally go insane until they bust a nut or draw blood. If you want to date a Klingon, they draw blood right to begin with. A Klingon will bite a potential mate on the cheek. 50 Shades of Grey is heavy petting compared to the Klingon Kama Sutra (if there is Klingon Shakespeare, there’s got to be Klingon sex manuals). And that’s just two examples from one sci-fi universe.

Hybrids

 While sex is fun, the real purpose of it, as stated in the first example, is procreation. Which is sadly a bad idea for humans and aliens to do. Even if you get through all the above problems between aliens and humans in order for you to be a happy couple with your alien love mate there is a major problem. Sterility. It has been observed among many animal species on earth that when two genetically compatible animals mate, the offspring is usually infertile. That is to say they are incapable of having children themselves. These are animals that at least come from the same gene pool, with a common ancestry some where in its evolutionary history. For two completely alien species to mate it would probably be impossible for them to even produce offspring, let alone offspring that would be infertile.

So there you have it. Alien sex is awkward, gross, pointless, and in many cases dangerous. Stick to earthlings or your right hand. It may be less fun but you’ll live a longer and more fulfilling life. If you must engage in sexual congress with an alien, be sure to program the code for titanium condoms in your replicator and make sure your sickbay is stocked up on antibiotics. And keep a phaser close by.