G.I. JOE: Ineffective Heroes

I support our troops. To me, any man or woman who wants to serve this country deserves as much respect as possible. I also grew up a big fan of the cartoon show G.I. JOE. Those two things being said, if GI Joe were an actual real part of our military I would be outraged and demand their elimination.

"Dude, where's his shirt?"

G.I. Joe, in the cartoon show, is depicted as an elite military unit. They consist of experts in nearly every discipline one can think of. Seriously. There are members of the team who are specialized in only desert combat, only snow combat, fire combat, water combat, animal wrangling, etc. And they’re not just specialists who are brought in when the situation warrants it, these people are on staff full time. So even when G.I. Joe is fighting a battle in one particular environment, they are bringing with them the specialists who would not only be unable to operate in that environment but would actually be a hindrance on the team.

You may ask, this elite military unit, what is their job? Well they are there to take down Cobra. That’s right. One organization. They are not an all purpose military unit that can be deployed as needed to deal with multiple threats to America. They exist solely to deal with the threat of Cobra. A terrorist organization that operates ON American soil. So already G.I. Joe has failed to protect the USA because this organization already has a foothold within our shores. Cobra has bases, officers, weapons, all the things that a competent military task force should have prevented them from getting.

And G.I. Joe is not some small, covert task force. They have dozens of jets, tanks, all terrain videos and bases, most of which will be blown up by the end of the episode and then replaced for the next episode. And these are not standard issue vehicles, which are already expensive, but custom designed specifically for the G.I. Joe team which has to just add to the expenses. They are literally blowing billions of dollars on their operating costs, showing no regard for when they destroy these vehicles, usually making a joke about it.

Another problem with G.I. Joe is that they seem to flout all established military regulations. There is no dress code. The various Joes wear whatever they want, occasionally integrating bits and pieces of military uniform and street clothes which makes them no different than any kid who shops at an Army/Navy store. Plus there are rules against fraternization among personal. But several of the Joes are in relationships. Scarlet and Duke have been portrayed as a couple. In the comics, Scarlet was portrayed as having a relationship with Snake Eyes. Flint and Lady Jay are clearly a couple. Not to mention all the clear cases of Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell (thankfully no longer part of military code) that has been suggested between any number of the Joe’s members.

"In the Navy..."

Despite a few members (like the DreadNoks) the Cobra troops seem to all wear uniforms (everything is black and snake themed) and for the most part (exception for Destro and The Baronness) do not engage in interpersonal relationships. This makes them a more disciplined fighting force than the G.I. Joes. Perhaps this is why they have never been sufficiently defeated by the Joes.